Guide

Dating red flags to watch for

A red flag is behaviour that suggests someone may be dishonest, unsafe or controlling: rushing intimacy, dodging video calls, asking for money, pushing you off the app, pressuring you, or stories that keep changing.

By the AltFTool team · Reviewed · 5 sources cited

Key takeaways

  • One red flag is worth pausing on; a pattern is worth walking away from.
  • Any request for money, gift cards, crypto or codes from someone you have not met is a scam warning.
  • Pressure for intimate images, or anger when you say no, is never acceptable.
  • Jealousy, monitoring and isolating you from friends are signs of control, not love.
  • You can slow down, step back or block without explaining yourself.

Red flags while chatting

Many problems show up before you ever meet. Watch for these in messages.

  • Love bombing: intense affection, "soulmate" talk or plans for marriage within days of matching.
  • Refusing video calls: a broken camera, bad signal or a job that never allows a call, again and again.
  • Pushing you off the app straight away to WhatsApp, Telegram, Snapchat or text, before you are ready.
  • Stories that do not add up: their job, location, age or family details change when you ask simple questions.
  • A life that is always far away: working abroad, on an oil rig, in the military or with an aid mission, so they can never meet.
  • Talk about money, investments or crypto, or a sudden emergency that needs your help.
  • Pressure for intimate photos or video, or sending explicit content you did not ask for.
  • Guilt or anger when you take time to reply or say you want to stay on the app.

Red flags on a date

  • Changing the plan at the last minute to somewhere private, remote or their home.
  • Insisting on picking you up or driving you home after you have said no.
  • Pushing you to drink more than you want, or getting you drinks you did not see poured.
  • Ignoring small boundaries, such as touching you after you have pulled away.
  • Being rude or aggressive to staff, or getting angry when they do not get their way.
  • Looking very different from their photos, or acting like a different person from their messages.
  • Knowing things about you that you never told them, which can mean they have been digging into your life.

Red flags in an early relationship

Controlling behaviour often starts small and grows. Notice patterns like these.

  • Jealousy of your friends, family or colleagues, or pressure to spend less time with them.
  • Checking your phone, demanding passwords or tracking your location.
  • Telling you what to wear, who to see or how to spend your money.
  • Making you feel you are "too sensitive" or misremembering things that happened (often called gaslighting).
  • Threats, including threats to hurt themselves, to share your images or to "out" you.
  • Blaming you for their moods, outbursts or behaviour.
  • Pressuring you into sex or sexual acts, or ignoring a "no". Consent can be withdrawn at any time.

If you are afraid of your partner

Fear is a sign to get support. Talk to a domestic abuse or women's helpline in your country, or call your local emergency number if you are in danger. Our help page lists lines for India, the US, the UK, Canada and Australia.

What healthy looks like

It helps to know what you are looking for, not just what to avoid. Healthy matches are happy to video call, accept "not yet" without sulking, keep their story consistent, meet in public, and let things move at a pace that suits you both. They never ask for money and they never pressure you for images.

What to do when you spot a red flag

  1. 1PauseYou do not have to decide anything right away. Slow the conversation down and do not send money, images or personal details.
  2. 2CheckAsk for a video call, run a reverse image search and compare their story with what they told you earlier.
  3. 3Talk to someoneTell a friend you trust what is happening. Someone outside the chat often spots what is hard to see from inside it.
  4. 4Save evidenceScreenshot the profile, messages and any payment requests before anything gets deleted.
  5. 5Block and reportUse the dating app's report tool so moderators can review the account, then block. You do not owe an explanation.
  6. 6Get help if you need itIf money has been sent, threats have been made or you feel unsafe, contact the police or a support line.

Red flag self-check

  • They have agreed to a video call and looked like their photos.
  • Their story about work, location and family has stayed the same.
  • They have never asked for money, gift cards, crypto or codes.
  • They accepted it when I said I wanted to stay on the app or slow down.
  • They have not pressured me for intimate photos.
  • I feel free to see my friends and family and to say no.

Want to tick these off as you go? Use the interactive checklist.

Frequently asked questions

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is overwhelming someone with affection, attention, gifts or big promises very early on. It can feel flattering, but it is often used to build trust quickly, whether by a scammer or by someone who wants control later.

Is refusing a video call always a red flag?

Not always. Some people are shy on camera at first. But repeated refusals with ever-changing excuses, especially combined with fast affection or talk about money, are a common sign of a fake profile.

Why do scammers want to move off the dating app?

Dating apps can detect and remove scam accounts, and their report tools stop working once you move elsewhere. Moving you quickly to another messaging app makes it harder for the platform to protect you.

Someone I am dating is very jealous. Is that normal?

Feeling a little jealous now and then is human. Checking your phone, controlling who you see, or making you feel guilty for spending time with others is controlling behaviour, and it tends to get worse over time. A domestic abuse helpline can help you talk it through.

Do I have to explain why I am unmatching someone?

No. You can unmatch or block anyone at any time. If they made you feel unsafe, save evidence and report them to the app first so moderators can review the account.

What if I have already sent money?

Stop sending more, contact your bank or payment provider straight away, and report it. Our dating scams guide explains each step and where to report in different countries.

Sources and further help

Last reviewed . This guide is general safety information, not legal, medical or professional advice. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

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