Low sex drive: common causes, mismatched desire and getting help
Quick answer
Sex drive (libido) naturally varies between people and over a lifetime, and partners often have different levels of desire. A drop in desire is commonly linked to stress, tiredness, relationship problems, depression or anxiety, some medicines, hormonal changes or alcohol. If it worries you or affects your relationship, a GP can look for causes and suggest options such as counselling or sex therapy.
Key points
- There is no normal amount of desire: it varies widely between people and changes over time.
- Differences in desire between partners are very common and can be managed with understanding and communication.
- Common causes include stress, tiredness, relationship issues, depression, anxiety, alcohol and hormonal changes.
- Some medicines, including some antidepressants and, for some people, hormonal contraception, can lower desire.
- A GP can check for physical causes, and counselling or sex therapy can help individuals and couples.
Is it normal to have a low sex drive?
Sex drive, or libido, differs a great deal from person to person, and there is no amount that is right or normal. It is also natural for desire to change with age, life events, relationships and health. Some people experience little or no sexual attraction at all, which can be part of who they are rather than a problem to fix.
Low desire becomes something worth looking into when it is a change for you, when it causes you distress, or when it is affecting your relationship.
What if partners want different amounts of intimacy?
Mismatched desire is one of the most common concerns couples bring to therapists. It does not mean the relationship is failing or that either person is wrong. Talking about it calmly, without blame or pressure, is the starting point.
It can help to talk about what intimacy means to each of you, what makes you feel close, and what gets in the way. Affection, touch and time together without any expectation of sex can reduce pressure. Nobody should ever feel obliged to have sex, and consent must always be freely given.
What causes a low sex drive?
Often several factors combine. Common causes include:
- Stress, tiredness and busy periods such as work pressure or caring for young children.
- Relationship issues, including unresolved conflict, poor communication or loss of trust.
- Depression and anxiety, which commonly reduce interest in sex.
- Some medicines, including some antidepressants, and for some people hormonal contraception.
- Hormonal changes, for example during pregnancy, after childbirth, while breastfeeding, around menopause, or low testosterone.
- Drinking a lot of alcohol or using recreational drugs.
- Long-term health conditions, pain during sex or erection problems, which can make sex feel stressful.
- Past difficult or traumatic experiences.
When should you see a GP about low libido?
See a GP if a change in desire is bothering you, has lasted a while, or comes with other symptoms such as low mood, tiredness, pain or erection difficulties. A doctor can ask about your health, medicines and wellbeing and may suggest blood tests to check things such as hormone levels or thyroid function.
If you think a medicine might be affecting your desire, do not stop it on your own. Ask your doctor whether a different dose, timing or alternative might suit you better.
Can sex therapy or counselling help?
Yes. Psychosexual therapists and relationship counsellors are trained to help with desire concerns, either with you alone or with your partner. Sessions are based on talking, and therapists often suggest practical exercises to do at home that focus on communication and reducing pressure.
If low desire is linked to depression or anxiety, treating those conditions often helps. If you feel very low, hopeless or unsafe, contact your GP, a mental health crisis line or emergency services straight away.
When to see a doctor
- Get urgent help from a GP, crisis line or emergency services if you have thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
- See a GP if low desire comes with ongoing low mood, anxiety or exhaustion.
- Talk to a doctor if you notice a change in desire after starting a new medicine; do not stop it without advice.
- Book an appointment if pain during sex or erection problems are affecting your interest in sex.
Frequently asked questions
Can antidepressants lower sex drive?
Some can. Reduced desire is a known side effect of certain antidepressants, although not everyone is affected. Do not stop or change your medicine on your own, as this can cause withdrawal symptoms or a return of depression. Talk to your doctor, who may be able to adjust the dose, change the timing or suggest an alternative.
Can hormonal contraception affect libido?
For some people, yes. Some users of hormonal contraception notice a change in desire, while many notice no difference. If you think your method is affecting you, a clinician can talk through other options, including non-hormonal methods. Keep using your current contraception until you have something else in place to avoid an unplanned pregnancy.
Is it normal for desire to fade in a long-term relationship?
It is common for the intensity of early attraction to settle over time. Many couples find that desire becomes more responsive, growing out of closeness and relaxation rather than appearing spontaneously. Making time for each other, reducing pressure and talking openly can help. If the change worries you, a sex therapist or counsellor can support you.